Hello, Mr. President…have you got a moment? I’d like to have a word with you.
Come in, please close the door behind you, and have a seat.
We have a problem, Mr. President. It’s your compulsive tweeting.
Sure, your rabid, die-hard followers who inhabit your cult of personality fever swamp can’t get enough of it. But, Mr. President, have you seen your approval numbers lately?
Remember you said you’d reduce or even stop tweeting right after you got elected? What happened to that, Mr. President?
Here’s the main point, Mr. President: your tweeting is damaging to you. It’s damaging to your presidency. It’s damaging to the legislative agenda of the party you belong to. It’s damaging to the country. It’s damaging to the world.
Apart from your base – you know, the folks who would heartily approve of you ripping the beating heart out of an adorable puppy on live TV – the rest of America is looking at you and saying, ‘What is wrong with this guy?’
As an American citizen and your employer, Mr. President, it is my duty to inform you that America is not happy with you and your compulsive tweeting.
I am hereby directing you to cease and desist from tweeting from this day forward. Please know that failure to comply with this directive will result in progressive discipline, up to and including termination.
Please close the door on your way out.